Day 1 continued (cos blog being weird).

So it’s -179 on weekly -0.8 kg goal.

That being said, I don’t think it’s such a big deal. The progress estimator only has it at like 89kg in 5 weeks (if ever day were today), but I think that’s bullshit.

I want to lose enough to look good for B’s wedding. I don’t know if it’s mainly for seeing DM... actually I think I do know. Cos although I want to look good for family, looking sexy for him is a priority. Even though he’s got a girlfriend? What am I trying to prove to myself?

Saw MT today. I think he and I are starting to drift apart. Too much of getting on each other’s nerves. Actually, me getting on his. My bad habits of talking and comforting. lol. Though I notice I judge myself pretty hard when I do it — almost to the point of flagellation — whereas realistically it’s just a mistake and a habit — and maybe just something I do!! — and not the end of the world.

Maybe he can’t accept it because of the build up from our relationship. I don’t know.

But maybe I’m ready to leave it behind. Or... less prominence in my life. <3

It’s hard but I guess in its own time.

That being said, I think he’ll still want to be friends. “Bad habits” and all. Mmm.

I guess that’s part of it. Sometimes I consider if there’s a codependence there where I don’t want to lose weight or am not as inspired for stuff around him. Cos I don’t want to do it for him, and I want to be able to sleep with other people, but there’s some stuff caught up in the association with him.

And then there’s just that I get hungry. But I haven’t been craving junk lately which is excellent.

I think maybe I’ve mislogged calories for the yoghurt. Or like, how much I ate.

I want to eat enough....

I think eggs and veggies is the way to go for many meals. I can incorporate bread too, but the calories add up.

That being said, I guess I can give it a few weeks and see. If the weightloss matches my predictions, or more MFP.

Also, I measured it by the long game, which is what a lot if people on reddit say. Even 10kg by December is really good!!! So I gotta remember that. <3 LOVE YOSELF!! ;D

Anyway, I do love you. It’s going to be okay. I can sleep a bit hungry; I’m okay. :)

<3